Monday, August 23, 2010

Tips To Save My Marriage

By Mary Anderson

Marriage counseling has been utilized for a lot of years for good marriages and bad ones. For successful marriages, it is often credited for making them even stronger. For troubled marriages, it is usually tried as a last line of defense, when the marriage is in serious crisis. You may be wondering if you can save your marriage at this point even after counseling has failed. If your partner desires a divorce, then you have a lot of work to do. But rest assured, it can be done!

I have never been a large proponent of marriage counseling as a last resort for people trying to rescue their marriage. The vast majority of these "marriage experts" were actually trained and earned their degrees in individual therapy. So their perspective nearly always comes from that of the individual. I believe that this is a faulty model to work from. A much more effective way to treat the problem is to treat the marriage itself rather than the individuals. When approached in this way, the marriage literally becomes the client rather than the couple!

It is a fact that traditional marriage counseling only has about a 20% success rate in saving marriages! Would you choose a doctor who only had a 20% success rate? Most people would not! Given this statistic, it is probably no wonder the divorce rate is so high. The saddest part of all about our divorce rate is that most of these divorces never even needed to happen. Plenty of these marriages probably could have been saved, if only the couple had the right plan to accomplish this.

Here is some great information I want you to find out about if you desire to save your marriage after counseling didn't work:

1. It's vital that you replace the emotional state that you're presently in with a much more resourceful emotional state. You will need to behave calmly and rationally, even removing as much emotion as humanly possible from the situation.

2. You will definitely have to stop blaming either yourself or your partner for the circumstance. It is counter-productive at this point to be concerned about who did what or who said what to whom.

3. You must become 100% dedicated to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, especially if your spouses strongly wants to get a divorce. If you don't take the lead, then who will do it?

4. Time is NOT on your side right now. Your immediate actions over the next few hours, days and weeks of this problem will probably determine whether or not the marriage can be rescued. Waiting and hoping will doom your chances.

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