Saturday, August 7, 2010

How To Recover From A Breakup - The Basics

By Steve Steiner

It's never easy to get over a breakup. The pain of the breakup and recovery is generally just as deep as the love that's lost. Being alone and living your life is tough once you've gotten used to having a special relationship with someone you love. You have to get on with your life, and to do that, you've got to admit that it's over, regardless of how painful that might be. Once the breakup has happened, you have a choice of two different ways to recover. The first method takes a great deal of time and basically just lets time heal the wounds. Of course, time works wonders in healing wounds, but it's very painful. You can recover from a breakup much more quickly, though, by following there four easy steps. Frankly, though, the constant pain of a slow recovery from a breakup isn't very healthy. Following these steps is a healthier approach.

Break-up Recovery Step 1: First things first - acknowledge the breakup. As the saying goes, "Denial isn't just a river in Egypt." It's surprising how many people can't get on with their lives because they can't accept the fact that they've broken up. Denial is ultimately self-destructive. You've got to understand that there's really nothing unique about a break up - everyone goes through them now and then. And everyone, pretty much, gets over them and moves on, which is exactly what you should do.You won't be able to accomplish the next steps if your mind is blurred by unrealistic thoughts about the reality of the breakup.

Break-up Recovery Step 2: Next, beyond accepting the reality of the breakup, you must accept what it means: the relationship is over. It's even worse to accept the finality of a breakup if you're still in love. You cannot try to contact her constantly, trying to bring her back into your life. There aren't many things you can do that will reinforce her decision. Children have temper tantrums and refuse to accept reality. Grown men accept it and move on.

Break-up Recovery Step 3: Improve your future by vowing not to repeat the mistakes you made. It won't accomplish anything to make accusations or assign blame now. You must look for the silver lining in this cloud. For instance, is there something about your personality that made her decide to break up with you? Is there something you do that turned her off, some habit or regular behavior ? You cannot lie to yourself about this, because you will be the only one convinced. Once you determine why the breakup happened, you'll be able to draw lessons from it. Your future relationships will benefit from these lessons.

Break-up Recovery Step 4: The fourth step in recovering from a breakup is to take the first step in the rest of your life by making a change for the better. Don't let the lessons you learned from the breakup be wasted by not using them to improve yourself. Learn why you're a lovable person and work on some of the things that aren't so lovable. This isn't the time to feel sorry for yourself, it's time to be happy and grow. Think about a new hobby, or dusting off an old one.

Don't expect that because you've taken these steps, recovering from a breakup will automatically be easy and painless. Recovering and moving on from a breakup, however, should be a little better if you follow these steps.

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