It's pretty clear, if you drive a car, that to keep it running you have to change the oil periodically. Although this seems clear to everyone, apparently it's much less clear to people that you need to periodically "change the oil" on your marriage - in other words, marriage requires maintenance. One convenient and effective way to help maintain (and improve) your marriage is to consult marriage counseling books. Something so valuable as a marriage is worth the time and money that it takes to buy and read the book. This little investment can prevent a nasty and painful divorce.
As far as marriage counseling books are concerned, it's not necessary to go with the latest fad. There are a number of classics that are just as valuable today as when they were first written. After all, the issues that today's marriages face are essentially the same as those faced by Adam and Eve: love, respect, finance, raising children, and so on.
One book to consider is "His Needs, Her Needs," written by Willard F. Harley, Jr. Dr. Harley is a Ph.D. psychologist who approaches marriage as a relationship designed to fulfill the differing needs of husband and wife. Unfortunately, men and women have such different needs, that they're often not even aware that they aren't satisfying their spouses. Wives may not realize the extent of their husbands' need for sex (which is number one on Dr. Harley's list of men's needs). On the other hand, men may not appreciate how much their wives need affection. Many men are awkward when it comes to showing affection, and it doesn't come natural to them. At the end of the day, Dr. Harley urges both husband and wife to be sensitive and make sacrifices to make sure that their spouses' needs are being met.
An alternative that takes a very different approach is "Getting the Love You Want". The author is Dr. Harville Hendrix, a practicing therapist, who himself went through a painful divorce. As a result of his experience, Dr. Hendrix writes with sensitivity and sincere empathy. According to Dr. Hendrix, we usually don't understand the real (unconscious) reasons that we are attracted to our mates. According to him, these reasons can be summarized as follows. First of all, we are drawn to partners whose personalities have both the pluses and minuses of those who raised us. Second, we are drawn to partners who make up for things we missed out on during our childhood. The upshot is that we often expecting our mate to be a kind of 'surrogate parent" who will do things right the second time around.
Although I don't agree totally with Dr. Hendrix, I did enjoy reading the many case histories he cites to support his arguments. One of these involves John, a dull businessman (in his own words), who fell head-over-heels for Cheryl because she was emotionally expressive. However, although this attracted John to Cheryl at first, very soon he became overwhelmed by her outbursts.
Whichever book you choose, I urge you not to avoid or put off consulting marriage counseling books. There is no relationship more precious than marriage, and it's impossible to invest too much care into making it great.
As far as marriage counseling books are concerned, it's not necessary to go with the latest fad. There are a number of classics that are just as valuable today as when they were first written. After all, the issues that today's marriages face are essentially the same as those faced by Adam and Eve: love, respect, finance, raising children, and so on.
One book to consider is "His Needs, Her Needs," written by Willard F. Harley, Jr. Dr. Harley is a Ph.D. psychologist who approaches marriage as a relationship designed to fulfill the differing needs of husband and wife. Unfortunately, men and women have such different needs, that they're often not even aware that they aren't satisfying their spouses. Wives may not realize the extent of their husbands' need for sex (which is number one on Dr. Harley's list of men's needs). On the other hand, men may not appreciate how much their wives need affection. Many men are awkward when it comes to showing affection, and it doesn't come natural to them. At the end of the day, Dr. Harley urges both husband and wife to be sensitive and make sacrifices to make sure that their spouses' needs are being met.
An alternative that takes a very different approach is "Getting the Love You Want". The author is Dr. Harville Hendrix, a practicing therapist, who himself went through a painful divorce. As a result of his experience, Dr. Hendrix writes with sensitivity and sincere empathy. According to Dr. Hendrix, we usually don't understand the real (unconscious) reasons that we are attracted to our mates. According to him, these reasons can be summarized as follows. First of all, we are drawn to partners whose personalities have both the pluses and minuses of those who raised us. Second, we are drawn to partners who make up for things we missed out on during our childhood. The upshot is that we often expecting our mate to be a kind of 'surrogate parent" who will do things right the second time around.
Although I don't agree totally with Dr. Hendrix, I did enjoy reading the many case histories he cites to support his arguments. One of these involves John, a dull businessman (in his own words), who fell head-over-heels for Cheryl because she was emotionally expressive. However, although this attracted John to Cheryl at first, very soon he became overwhelmed by her outbursts.
Whichever book you choose, I urge you not to avoid or put off consulting marriage counseling books. There is no relationship more precious than marriage, and it's impossible to invest too much care into making it great.
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