Friday, August 27, 2010

How To Really Save Your Marriage

By Sarah Lexington

This article is for any of you who are asking "How do I save my marriage?" There are definitely a lot of different things that could have brought the relationship to this point, and it can be even more difficult if your spouse doesn't seem to care about your marriage anymore. Just because your spouse may have given up DOES NOT mean your marriage is over! I have some specific advice for you based on my personal experience when my marriage nearly ended and what I did to save it.

I definitely believe there are three vital foundations for rescuing your marriage as soon as your partner is not interested in saving the marriage. I'll go through each one and explain:

1. Emotional State - This is definitely crucial because when going through the end of a marriage and truly desiring to save it, the vast majority of people are filled with a range of negative emotions that cause us to make huge mistakes. Emotions such as anger, fear, jealousy, desperation etc will cause the common mistakes that must be avoided at all costs. Some examples of these common mistakes would be begging and pleading, revenge, stalking, constant phone calls or emails, using the kids as a weapon, promises to change etc. Any one of these mistakes will blow up in your face and hurt your chance to save the marriage! Instead you should put yourself in a much more positive state that shows calm confidence.

2. The Marriage Not The Individuals - This is more than likely the hugest reason for the very low success rate of common marriage counseling. They work from a faulty model by focusing on the couple rather than the marriage itself. Essentially your marriage must be the client rather than you and your spouse, if that makes any sense. In doing so, it becomes less about the two of you as individuals and more about the marriage.

3. Action! - Your willingness to take action is the key to making a good difference. But it must be the right kind of action. The fact is, there are certain things that you can say and do around your spouse have that can change the dynamics of your relationship and get your spouse to see it in a different light, even if they are not doing anything to rescue the marriage! By the same token, the incorrect moves throughout this crucial time can be extremely damaging to an already shaky marriage!

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